Estereotipos de nacionalidades

No son pocos los estereotipos de nacionalidades que cualquiera que no haya viajado mucho puede tener habiendo absorbido imágenes de la tele y libros. Mejicanos con sombrero, rusos bebiendo vodka, esquimales pescando a través de un agujero en el hielo... Vengo entonces a desmentir o confirmar algunos tópicos de países.

-Españoles impuntuales: Empezamos con nuestra amada patria. Debo decir que los españoles somos bastante puntuales en el trabajo. Nos tomamos muy en serio el curro, así que la marca España está bien representada en el extranjero. Luego había un tópico de los alemanes, que son muy puntuales. Esto es bastante cierto. He llegado al trabajo algunas veces 10 minutos antes porque necesitaba comprobar algo (en verdad yo llego siempre a las 8 clavadas) y siempre están los alemanes primero. Sin embargo, debo decir que los españolitos somos bastante irresponsables a la hora de quedar con los amigos. La gente NUNCA llega a tiempo. Se debe usar cierta técnica para alentar a los impuntuales: decir que quedáis un determinado tiempo antes, según el margen de impuntualidad de la persona. Así, si la hora de quedar son las 9, tú dices las 8. Este método puede ser echado a perder si se queda por grupos de Whatsapp. Al final siempre hay un pringado que llega a la hora y le toca esperar solo. De todas maneras, tras varias quedadas se genera una especie de acuerdo colectivo inconsciente. Así, la gente siempre llegará 15 minutos tarde por norma, ya que será la hora a la que aparezcan los demás.

-Españoles vocingleros: Sí que nos gusta alzar la voz, pero esto es algo no sólo común a otros latinos, también es común a irlandeses y otros individuos que gusten de empinar el codo. De hecho puedo asegurar que los belfastianos superan de sobra el límite de decibelios para ser considerados jaleosos. Luego he podido escuchar en las discotecas que las muchachas tienen una especie de grito de apareamiento, algo como “huu huu, huu huu” (parecido a un búho) cuando la canción llega a su culmen. Es difícil explicar con palabras, pero los españolitos en Belfast quizá podrán coincidir conmigo y saber a lo que me refiero. También es común escuchar cánticos cuando cierran las discotecas, como el estribillo de Seven Nation Army de The White Stripes.

-Italianos que comen pasta: Totalmente confirmado. A pesar de que he podido comprobar que el espectro culinario de los italianinis consta de más platos que la pasta y la pizza, también he observado que prácticamente TODOS LOS DÍAS compañeros italianos del curro comen pasta. Sin embargo, es digno de admirar que los italianos hayan sabido exportar bien sus tópicos culinarios (pizza y pasta) a todo el mundo, siendo quizá la pizza la comida más famosa del mundo. He de añadir que a pesar de que la comida española no sea tan famosa , sí es más variada y de más calidad. La paella sería nuestro símbolo y no es que sea muy popular más allá de los guiris que visitan nuestra tierra. Sí que hay un puesto de paellas en Belfast, pero mi estimado amigo Alberto de las Paellas debe coincidir conmigo en que la pizza le da una paliza en cuanto a popularidad. Tu imagínate un Paella Hut o un Paella King. Simplemente no.

-Italianos que juntan las puntas de los dedos para hablar: Si bien es cierto que son bastante expresivos con la gesticulación, sólo he llegado ver a un par de italianos que hayan hecho lo de juntar los dedos (como las picadas de mi amigo Pancho de Baza, para quien tenga el dato). Así, en plan coña, se dice que si pones la mano de esa manera, no importa lo que digas, podrás hablar italiano. Edit: tras confirmarlo con una italiana del curro, parece ser que esto se usa para decir “¿Que dices?”, en plan, qué me estás contando.

-Alemanes sosos: Los españoles tenemos totalmente el estereotipo de los alemanes de las películas de la segunda guerra mundial. Soldados de raza aria de gran seriredad. Me voy a ahorrar la palabra con N. Total, que tenemos un concepto de que los alemanes no tienen sentido del humor, que son unos cuadriculados y tal. Pues es como todo, hay alemanes cachondos y alemanes rancios. Tanta variedad como personas hay en el mundo. Tengo un buen amigo alemán del curro que entra en el grupo de los graciosetes. Es el alma de la fiesta, no se calla ni debajo del agua. Le decimos de coña que no parece alemán. Aunque debo admitir que los alemanes sí son muy metódicos y programáticos. Por ejemplo, si abrimos nuestra línea de atención a las 8 (trabajamos en un call center) tendrás decenas de alemanes llamando a primera hora.

-Alemanes que al hablar suenan agresivos: Otra idea equivocada influenciada por las películas bélicas. El alemán puede ser un idioma bastante dulce, incluso hablado por un hombre. Pero es un gran descojone cuando los alemanes se ponen a renegar. En general, me descojono cuando oigo a cualquiera renegar excepto en inglés. Éstos están muy limitados, sólo con el fuck, bastard, fuck off, bloody hell, fuck de nuevo y poco más. No tienen clase para maldecir.


-Portuguesas con mucho vello: Hablo de pelo en los sobacos, bigotazo, pelillos en la nariz y poblado matojo de pelos en otras partes. Según mi limitado entendimiento de las mujeres, todas necesitan su mantenimiento via depilación. Sin embargo, se conoce cierta fama de peludas a nuestras vecinas de la península. A pesar de que no puedo constatar si tienen la selva del Amazonas o el desierto de Tabernas en el pubis, sí puedo decir que esto es un mito. Aquí en Belfast conozco algunas portuguesas que están de buen ver y van bastante rasuradas en su espectro visible. Terminemos este párrafo aún así con un #RancioFact: dónde hay pelo hay alegría.

-Irlandeses borrachos y alegres: Aplíquese en general a guiris. No tanto los ingleses que han votado por abandonar Europa si no más bien esos pelirrojos que visten de verde. Me declaro totalmente simpatizante de la causa irlandesa por encima de la inglesa. Vayamos pues con el tópico: los irlandeses caen bien, los ingleses no. Ya hablé en mi anterior entrada sobre el Brexit sobre el orgullo británico. Los irlandeses serían como los andaluces británicos (topicazo más al canto). Por norma general, yo los veo más abiertos, más humildes, más fiesteros. He aquí donde se ganan la fama de borrachos. Que no buen bebedores, porque tengo constancia gráfica de irlandeses que se ponen algo más que contentos con 4 copillas. Ciegos del nivel de estar tirados por los suelos, de tener que ser metidos en un taxi llevándolos agarrados al hombro y confiar que el taxista pueda arropar al chiquillo en su cama.

Bonus extra, tópicos de regiones de España

-Catalanes agarrados: He conocido varios catalanes aquí en Belfast, y si bien eran bastante buenas personas y me caían bien, por contraparte eran bastante peseteros. Aún a riesgo de que estos catalanes me lean, debo decir que hubo una chica que vendía muebles usados rebajados un par de pounds, teniendo además el atrevimiento de destacar que nos estaba haciendo un favor, que iban rebajados. Un ejemplo, una estantería del Ikea que vale allí 15 pounds vendida a 12. Aunque en verdad en el grupo de Españoles en Belfast se suceden a veces bastantes infamias de gente que se vuelve a España intentando vender cosas que a mí me daría vergüenza hasta de llevarlas a una charity. Debo añadir sin embargo que mis más allegados sabrán que yo algo de catalán también tengo.

-Andaluces gandules: Por favor, no confundir la afición a la siesta con la gandulería. A todo el mundo le entra una pájara después de comer que tiene que ser combatida con café o una buena siesta. Los andaluces optamos por la opción más sana.

Total, yo creo que la diversidad te hace ser más tolerante. Estar relacionándote con un círculo cerrado de personas no sólo hará tu vida aburrida y previsible, también te estarás perdiendo muchas facetas de la vida. Si eres de los que gritó “Italianos de mierda” en el reciente partido contra España, amigo mío, deberías replantearte tus prioridades.

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